Monday, September 14, 2015

Learning to lean harder

This last season has been one of learning to lean HARD on our Father as he leads.  It feels like I am challenged daily to lean harder into his character, the things he has promised, and his guidance.  While this has been met with feeling stretched farther than what feels humanly possible, it has also been met with sweet times with Jesus that I would never trade for any amount of comfort.  It is times like this, where I feel completely in over my head, but completely at peace at the same time.  I feel like a walking contradiction. (which in and of itself raises all kinds of confusing emotions...especially for a thinker!)  It's in these seasons that I fall more in love with Jesus than I ever thought possible, and where my ability to trust his character goes deeper and deeper.  In these seasons I get to see his faithfulness and power, because there is no other option.
As we raise money to go to India in November, I'm invited again, to lean harder.  Lean harder into the fact that my Father provides; that he has the resources to, and that he WANTS to provide for me.  I am faced with the option of just not going, because fear says that the money might not come in, or the option of leaning into his good character,  and saying YES.  As we have chosen the former option, I have been BLOWN AWAY by the way he has met me.  It's not about the money anymore, but about God teaching me more about who he is, and showing me his unwavering faithfulness.
As we take on this new role of leading the DTS department, again, the invitation to lean harder on Jesus than we have ever had to.  When fear and insecurity is staring me down, and looming over my shoulder I get to look at the face of my Father.  In that place it ceases to be about my fear being eradicated, and becomes about him burning the fact that he is good into my soul.
It's about being with him, and that's the way it should be.  That is how I can feel in over my head and at peace at the same time.  Because I know that no matter the result, he's not going to let me drown.  No matter the result, the fact remains that he is faithful and he is good.  And at the end of the day, He's all that matters.

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