looking fear in the face...

So, we have some exciting news...as of January 1st Zac and I have taken on the role as the new directors for our DTS department here at YWAM, Montana. While this is very exciting, as I look into the future, I find myself being stared straight in the eyes by my own fears, weaknesses and insecurities.  Taking on a greater role of leadership means more responsibility.  And with that, I am met by my fear of not doing a good enough job, or letting people down, or being exposed, or the big one- God not providing (financially, emotionally...you name it).  Really, the list could go on.  But I have found that absolutely nothing good comes from dwelling on my fears or the endless list of "what ifs".  As I recognize these fears that seem to be staring me down, I get really frustrated.  My first reaction is, "I've already dealt with this before"  and then the condemnation of "I should know better" tries to set in. I don't want to have to face these things, for what seems to be the one-hundreth time! BUT, when I rip my eyes away from the seemingly daunting fear, and look at my Father instead, he gently and persistently reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 where Paul writes, "But he (God) said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,' " and I feel my Father inviting me to yes, look my fear in the face, but choose to follow Him instead.  I can't help but laugh when I look back at the last 2 weeks of the new year.  Just this week, when I thought I just might be overcome by the overwhelming sense of inadequacy being thrown in my face, I got something in the mail.  A close friend of ours had just published his 3rd book, and sent it to us.  The title: A Fresh Look at Fear: encountering Jesus in our weakness.*  I just sat the book on my desk for about an hour, not wanting to open it, because I knew the turmoil I was about to unleash in my heart.  As I read, Jesus met me in such an amazing way, and reminded me of something that I have known and told others countless times.  Jesus was inviting me to trust him, yet again, instead of my fears.  No, I do not know what the outcome will be, and I recognize that yes, I am weak...BUT I also know that God's power works perfectly in human weakness, and I also know that God provides for his children, and that worrying about tomorrow's provision will neither benefit nor provide for me.  I also know that NOTHING can separate me from the love of Jesus...and that is ALL that matters.  So, I am choosing to look at my fear that is staring me straight in the eyes, and I am going to follow Jesus instead.  I am trusting that he will be who he says he is, and do what he says he will do, even though I am weak.  Like Paul, I will choose to say, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me....for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

(*you can purchase the book A Fresh Look at Fear here:YWAM publishing)